...three kids just doesn't seem quite enough some days" says Karen.
For years I felt guilty for stopping at three kids. Or I thought it was guilt that I felt. Then I realised it wasn't that I wanted a fourth child, I just didn't want others to have four kids. How can I 'win' if my friend has more kids than me? The extra child makes her a better mother and makes the non-kid stuff I do not count. How can she be expected to do x? She has four kids!
Stupid and twisted. It's not a competition! Why should it matter to me how many kids my friend has! I don't care if my friend does x. I don't do what I do to out do her! Her choices are none of my business!
Wow, this is a really interesting and odd phenomenon! I think it's evidence that there is no situation from which the human heart cannot find a way to be envious and competitive! We are strange beasts...
ReplyDeleteSheesh. I only have two kids, so, thus am coming last, and also must have a poor Christian character. Probably only get into heaven by the skin of my teeth.
ReplyDeleteSorry....perhaps my original post was one of those better left off the www....:( A lesson learned.
ReplyDeleteDear Karen... Was joking. Great post.
ReplyDeleteActually, in my case, I don't think it's because I'm competitive. Envious, yes, but competitive, I think no. It's more that for me, I feel that the choice of whether I increase my family size has been taken away in some respects because of my age, gestational diabetes, inability to get to full term etc etc. That makes me feel sad when other people happily announce fourth, fifth or even first pregnancies. I think in church we do plenty of rejoicing with those who rejoice in having many children, but maybe not enough weeping with those who weep because they are unable to.
ReplyDeleteHi Karen,
ReplyDeleteI thought your post was fine, I think you and Simone were both acknowledging a feeling you wanted to get past. As someone who has not been able to have kids (yet) it just reminds me that contentment is so elusive & also contextual - we want what those around us have & we don't. (it also makes me smile because much as I'd love to have children, having 4 sounds terrifying rather than desirable to me!!) I guess we'd struggle to feel content if we ate the same meals every day for a month - for many people three square meals would be unimaginable luxury. But I agree with you, as churches we need to learn how to celebrate the good gifts that come to some while acknowledging the losses and griefs that may exacerbate in others.
It's not really a race I want to be winning. I love the children I have... and I am tired too.
ReplyDeletevery tired.
ReplyDelete