Here are a few things that I'm not going to do when my boys are teenagers and beyond.
(Note to self: reread this list each year)
Five things I'm not going to do as my kids get older:
1. Tell them they are going to hell. (Unlikely to lead to any positive communication)
2. Put them in a situation where they are not likely to make christian friends
3. Tell my teenage kids they can't go check out other churches
4. Be controlling
5. Throw tantrums when they make a choice I don't agree with.
Always best to talk about what kind of parent you are going to be in the future. Don't worry about now!
Here is a list I might have written a few years ago:
Five things I'm not going to do when my kids are primary aged:
1. Tell them to clean up their rooms 50,000 times per day when mine's a mess*
2. Tell kids to hurry up and get ready for school while I'm lazily sitting behind a computer.**
3. Make excuses for son's very poor reading and spelling ability saying things like 'he's actually really smart...' ***
4. Yell. ****
5. Chose a school based on educational outcomes rather than ministry opportunities.*****
* My bedroom doesn't count. The rest of the house is sparkly clean - and I did that! The kids only have responsibility for one room (half even!) Surely they can keep that clean!
** Not that I'd ever do this. Ever.
*** I had no idea before. High school teachers know nothing about learning disabilities (I didn't, anyway.)
**** Hm. Talk to my kids about this one!
***** We are lucky that our church is 400m down the road from one of the most sought after primary schools in Brisbane. No decision really. But having taught around many schools, it would be very tricky to deliberately choose one that wasn't great.
I think what I will find hard practically from your first list, is being controlling. I obviously know this is not a good route, but with teenagers, I imagine this will become really really difficult.
ReplyDeleteWhen someone you love strains against you, it's pretty difficult to relinquish that hold, because you fear where that freedom will lead them.
I'm thinking about "choosing a school based on educational outcomes rather than ministry opportunities". Just wondering what you think then about Christian schools? Does that impact on #2 from list one about making Christian friends. I know that was a priority my parents had for my brother and I, and we went to private schools. I'm thinking about all this at the moment - the desire to shield your own kids, so they remain strong in the Lord vs. creating opportunities to share the gospel with those who have not heard it.
ReplyDeleteBased on your presumed failure to achieve your primary school list, aren't you a little sceptical about presuming to write a second one?
ReplyDeleteHey Wendy. I wrote the second list to show the presumption of the first one. (If I had actually written a primary school one a few years ago, I doubt I'd have actually put those ones on it.)
ReplyDeleteJulie - I'm a state school person. I believe in public education etc. I think having a strong public education system is the best thing for society. A few years ago I'd have said 'never' regarding Xn schools. Now I'd say, 'Yes, if I thought my child needed it.'
I guess it depends on what you mean by 'controlling'. I think parents have a responsibility to say 'no' in certain situations, and a teenager could see that as 'controlling' when it's just being responsible and sensible because teenagers often aren't.
ReplyDeleteGod gives us and our kids so much grace. We visited friends over the hols who are terribly controlling of their teenagers...but the kids seem to have turned out well, so far. We (and the church and those parenting books) often put too much emphasis on "if and only if you do it right" will they turn out okay. Therefore - it is all our fault! Sorry, a bit of a hobby horse.
ReplyDelete