I have a bad case of recorder rage.
I thought I was going pretty well.
I got through 3 and a half year four recorder lessons, without loosing my cool. Then all of a sudden it was too much.
Please note the following.
1. The little black dots on the page are put in certain positions for a reason. Please take note of exactly where they are positioned. It matters.
2. When I ask you to play a G, it matters how many fingers you put down. Last lesson I told you that you need your thumb and three fingers for G. Things haven't changed in a week.
3. Don't play it faster than the rest of the class just because you can. I don't think you are smart. I think you are annoying.
4. Many kids have moved from the green star level, through the blue star level and on to the red star level in the last month. If your name isn't on my honour board yet, don't sigh. It's because you haven't practiced at home at all. Learn to play Lucy *&$^@% Locket and you'll get an award. It's not hard.
5. I will fail you if you don't learn to play recorder this semester. Your mum may say that she doesn't want to hear you playing at home, but I'm guessing that she'd prefer to put up with a bit of recorder noise than to see a big fat D on your report. I will do it. (And no mercy to mums who complain about recorder noise. What do you know about recorder rage? Try thirty of them all at once for 2 hours! And at least your kid is practicing. In each group of 30 I have to listen to, 7 have never ever practiced at home and only hit correct notes by sheer fluke. Imagine what that sounds like! Imagine my very tenuous hold on sanity and don't come here whinging to me about 5 minutes of noise from a single recorder!)
6. To my good kids (30 of you!) I love that you are so keen. I love that you practice right through first and second breaks every day. And I love that your play area is a long way from my classroom. Unfortunately, the rest of the school staff are over it. Because of your diligence they are thinking very bad things about me. Maybe you should take your recorders to the back of the oval and practice there.
I yelled. I wanted to belt kids with recorders (I didn't.) I wanted to cry. I went and vented to the strings teacher who understood. Violin rage is a very real thing too.