Over on Jean's blog, Carmelina has offered a fairly thorough criticism of my position that we should mind our own business and not make an issue out of whether or not a mum puts her kids in daycare once a week so she can have a day off.
You can read it for yourself, but here are her points:
1. Such a question is not necessarily asked with poor motives. And even if it was motivated by the wrong things, it may still be valuable to discuss it.
2. If this is an area of freedom, it's still worth talking through how we exercise our freedom. We should work out together what's wise.
3. We should be interested in each other's parenting. Being interested is not being a busy-body.
4. Whether we put our kids into day-care for a day a week is not a matter of 'considerable irrelevance' (as I described it.)
I didn't state my position particularly clearly in the first place. You can go over to Jean's blog to look at my response to Carmelina. In a couple of days (or when I can be bothered), I'll write a proper response here.
My basic position remains the same: this is an issue of freedom and we need to leave families free to make it themselves.
$5 bucks if in that discussion you talk about oversharing... go on, I dare you...
ReplyDeletehmm. I'll see.
ReplyDeleteInteresting to read all that stuff given our family's current industrial situation. I'm getting the Parenting Payment and my wife is the "bread winner." I'm at home with our 2 youngest children for all but 2 days a week while Rachel teaches. On the 2 days that I'm away my mother can look after the kids.
ReplyDeleteI'm not game to wade into the debate over there given my gender, the sensitivity of the topic and the stridency with which some seem to arguing their case. I'm an ex criminal defence lawyer and I'm still nervous:) A room full of intelligent women (some of whom are pregnant) is no place for me:)
But I will say 4 things here.
1. From what I have seen, mothers are made to feel incredibly guilty about their parenting (Dads are too but that's another story). This is done often by older women who appear to have it "all together" but who absolutely and emphatically do not. No-one does.
2. Guilt in motherhood is a crippling and self-destroying phenomenon. I hate it and think that sometimes it would be better for "advisers" to say nothing rather than give their advisee reasons (albeit unintended) for feelings of self loathing and guilt. The decision to say something must be done very, very carefully and with the understanding that, in all likelihood, the person given the advice will be crushed. The fact that Carmelina can point to a couple of examples where mums told her they appreciated her advice only proves that in a couple of cases mums told her that they appreciated her advice.
3. Bible Colleges have a lot to answer for
4. So do Husbands.
I'm going deep undercover now until the eschaton. Witness protection in Mexico probably. See you on the other side.
amen.
ReplyDelete[double amen to point 2. hope you're surviving #3. I've heard that on some points pcv makes pcq look enlightened. I may delete this comment soon.]
My references to Bible Colleges were about some aspects of SMBC and Moore actually. I did three years at SMBC and have relatives at Moore.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on this, Simone.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally single so completely unqualified to comment. But it seems to me that there's a lot of guilt. Let the families decide for themselves, and hopefully people will stop judging each other.
ReplyDelete