Caveat: This post contains advice for parents. Blog posts with parenting advice get on my nerves. This may get on your nerves. Don't say you weren't warned!
Anyway... Parent/Teacher interviews...
...are a game that we play.
And a not-so-fun game. For anyone.
Teachers have to be so careful about what they say. Parents don't like being told that little Johnny is a socially inappropriate, whingy, pain-in-the-neck. Mum has no problems with him at home. He plays quietly in front of his x-box all afternoon and causes no-one any troubles. Why is he so different at school? Maybe it's just that he clashes with this teacher.
Teachers have to phrase everything so carefully. Make it understood that they see Johnny's good points. 'He eats his hotdog and chips so well at big lunch and he never leaves anything behind in his lunch box. He has a lovely smile. I saw it twice last month.'
Yet they have to go some way towards explaining the comments and results on the report card. 'It's not that Johnny can't do his work. I believe he probably can do it. It's just that he tends not to. You have to see it from my point of view. I can only grade him on the work that he does...'
Teachers generally hate confrontation with parents. If a parent complains to other parents (as they very often do) things quickly become unpleasant. For everyone. It's very hard for the teacher to be understanding and sympathetic towards a child when they know the parent is making trouble. And the child will not be motivated to work in class if they know their parents are fighting with the teacher. If a teacher brings up something about your child that you don't want to hear, listen anyway. They don't say bad things for fun.
If you have a child who is difficult or complicated or struggling, chances are you will not enjoy parent teacher interviews either. You've poured your heart and soul into this child for 5 years and the teacher tell you that all is not right. You feel like a failure. You feel like the teacher doesn't understand the full picture of what's going on. And they probably don't.
I was listening to a pretty awful bitch session between teachers today about some parents. Thought I might post a few thoughts on interacting with teachers: (I'm assuming the teacher is female.)
1. Say nice things to the teacher to show that you appreciate the work that she is doing.
2. If there are issues, let the teacher know that you want to work with her to solve the problems.
3. If the teacher says that your child is having issues with something, assume that she is right. Don't contradict. She is with your child 6 hours a day and (normally!) won't invent a problem. If you don't agree or don't understand, ask for examples of situations where the problem occured. Ask how she expected Johnny to behave or to perform in such a situation or with such a task.
4. Once the problem has been identified, ask what steps you can take together to address the situation.
5. If you think that your child is having issues with something that the teacher has not brought up, bring it up yourself. Find out if the difficulty that you see your child having is normal for their age or if it's worth giving some special attention to. If the teacher hasn't noticed the problem ask her if she could particularly watch your child's for the next little while. Check back with her in a couple of weeks. If you still have concerns, follow it up with a specialist yourself.
6. If the teacher suggests you see a specialist for something, see the specialist. It is not a sign of failure to take your child to see an OT, speechy, physio, psych, optometrist, doctor whatever. Find out what is available for free through the education system.
7. If things just aren't working for your kid at school, ask for a guidance officer assessment. Guidance assessments can give a good picture of your child's overall intelligence so you can see if they are working to their potential.
8. If your child has been mistreated by the teacher, find out all the facts before you accuse her of anything. Then, if you need to, raise the issue with her gently but firmly. Let her know that you are on her side and you support her, but advocate for your child. We had a situation last year when our 7 year old was punished (most unjustly) by being shut in a classroom by himself for most of lunch time. We were appalled by the teacher's treatment of him (he was very upset) and I immediately wrote a nasty email to the school. Thankfully I never sent it. When I was calmer I saw the teacher. I told her how our child was feeling about what happened, heard her side of the story (apparently it was all another teacher's fault(!)), and was able to say 'I understand that you were just carrying out a threat that was made, but it's unsafe and inappropriate [not to mention illegal!] to leave a child unsupervised in a classroom for half an hour. It can't happen again.' She apologised. There were other issues that we then moved on to - better ways to help our struggling child with his work.
9. Say nice things to your teacher whenever you can.
10. Say nice things to your child about the teacher whenever you can.
And to finish: There are some babyish habits that our kids have that are cute at home. Such things my not seem so cute at school. In the early school years, teachers will find the following really annoying:
- lack of Independence - not being able to put on their shoes, get themselves dressed after swimming, pick up after themselves
- interrupting
- stupid or irrelevant questions and comments - any question or comment that's not about what we're doing right now (eg talking about your dog during a class discussion on space. Children will get into trouble for doing this.)
- whinging - 'I'm thirsty' is a whinge. 'May I please get a drink?' is a question. 'My fingers are sticky' is a whinge. 'May I please wash my hands?' is a question.
- telling tales
- drawing attention to themselves - calling out, answering the roll in a funny voice etc.
- needing to go to the toilet - kids need to learn to manage their bodies. Remind them to use the toilet at morning tea and lunch times even if they're not desperate to go.
- not sitting still
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