We do girly warm up questions in our bible study group. A friend brings along a pack of pink and yellow question cards and we answer one each before we get going. Normally they're about movies or clothes or friends.
Today I scored this one: Would you tell a lie to help a friend?
Awful question to have to answer. But I didn't lie.
My answer was 'yes'. I have told lies to 'help' friends. Not often (hopefully). But enough. And not just the 'you're new hair-style looks great' type of lie. Sometimes I've thought of lying as the better of two bad options. What if you're asked an inappropriate question? Something that puts you badly on the spot. Something that if answered truthfully would lead to gossip or slander or some other kind of ungodliness. Is it better to brush such a question off with a quick fib? Or tell the truth and trust God with the consequences? Or say 'I can't answer that'.
Now don't get me wrong. I think that lying is terribly wrong. And all lies (big or little) compromise us and the truth of the gospel.
How would you have answered the question? Do you tell lies to help friends? Should you? Can you think of any bible passages we should consider?
It can easily degenerate into one of those messy, hypothetical, situation ethics type questions can't it? Truth is important, terribly terribly important, but sometimes (and only very occasionally) we need to lie on the surface in order to be true to something even more important. Sometimes the literal truth would do more harm than good, and leave damaged people and relationships in its wake.
ReplyDeleteBiblical backing? off the top of my head, how about Rahab? Or the two Hebrew midwives at the beginning of Exodus?
There's a story in Corrie Ten Boom's book The Hiding Place about her very Christian aunt, who hid Jews in her house - but refused to lie about it. So when a Gestapo officer asked her if the young blonde woman staying at her house was Jewish, she said yes - and the woman was carted off to jail. I have always felt rather horrified by that....
ReplyDeleteI'd say your best option in most cases is probably to say, "I can't answer that" in the case of the truth leading to gossip or slander. If it's something that could do so they should ask the person directly involved not a third party.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I'm certainly not squeaky clean in any area and in fact I can't even claim charity as a defence - I'm probably more likely to lie to "help" myself rather than someone else.
Welcome Lynne! Rahab and the midwives came to my mind too.
ReplyDeleteJo - Isn't there also some other CTB story where she says she's hiding people then laughs and they think she's being silly?
Laetitia - Yes. My fibs most often are designed to help me primarily!
Anyone else have ideas?
I've been reading "Everybody's normal till you get to know them.' by John Ortberg. He makes some interesting comments in a chapter called Unveilled Faces. The chapter is about the mask we all wear around, so it is not quite the same topic, but still, let me quote:
ReplyDelete"There is a time to be deliberately selective about what we reveal and what we do not. One of those times...comes when Aunt Edna says, "How did you like my lima-bean, spam, Velveeta cheese, rasberry jello salad?"
You don't have to say, "Aunt Edna, I could be polite and speak in superficial generalities, but I want to be deeply authentic with you. I'm aware that at the core of my being...I'm experiencing revulsion and disgust..."
In this moment, be polite and superficial. When you're in business, it can be very appropriate to be guarded. I would not want to hire a real estate agent who said to the people whose house I want to buy, "Well, here's the offer we're making; but I want to be deeply open and transparent with you - I don't want there to be any masks. My clients would be willing to pay twenty thousand more than this if they had to in order to get the house."
In particular, you will run across certain people with whom you should always remain quite guarded. The writer of Proverbs says, "A gossip can never keep a secret; be careful around people who talk too much."
I think there is a lot to think about here. What about Christians in China who are arrested and tortured, asking them to give the names of other believers?
Now this is probably the longest comment ever, so I'll leave it there for now.
Good stuff Wendy. Will think on it.
ReplyDeletethere's a verse in Job where he gets angry at his 'friends' because they're bombarding him with all these truths, when what he really needs is a bit of compassion, and for them to choose their words more thoughtfully.
ReplyDeleteIt can easily degenerate into one of those messy, hypothetical, situation ethics type questions can't it?
ReplyDeleteYou speak truly.
While not strictly answering the question, I wonder if Jesus' refusal to answer questions on the terms in which they're offered gives us some help. Though not resorting to lying, sometimes he would refuse to give out certain information. At times he gave out alternative information not asked for instead. Sometimes would give that information in such a way as the terms of asking were shown for the manipulation that they were. Other times he would re-cast the whole paradigm of the question to what is truly important in the situation. I'm thinking of examples like: "Give to Caesar...", "Whose wife will she be?", "Son of Man is Lord of the sabbath" (despite not having broken Deut. law), "Let he who is without sin...", his 'cryptic' answers to Nicodemus, use of parables to keep crowds at arm's length, etc.
On thinking about these, and the social awkwardness, Jesus' responses are heaps cool. I wonder if social appropriateness might be a better casualty at times than truth? Obviously this doesn't cover the CTB-type situations though...
At times, he even went on the offensive, asking his own questions to force them to stop harassing him. "How then could David call his descendant, 'Lord'?"
Right. Now I have to become as wise and intelligent as Jesus.
I'm sure I saw a book in the Koorong catalogue for that...