I really enjoyed the seminars I went to yesterday and today. I particularly appreciated her scientific stuff about how our brains work. If you have a chance to hear her speak sometime, you should. Here are 10 thoughts from her seminars. Not all she said. Not even her main points. Just 10 things...
1. We were made to feel sexual desire. It is caused by testosterone.
2. What 'turns us on' is largely determined by the sexual scripts that are written in our brains from childhood.
3. There is a progression in sexual desire : Desire, love, bonding. 1. I want to have sex. 2. I want to have sex with you. 3. I have sex with you and we bond. This is a good progression. It all works to make long term married love possible.
4. Pornography messes with this progression. It also writes pretty strong (and unrealistic) sexual scripts.
5. We can't stay in stage 2 forever. It would kill us.
6. If you want to feel stage 2 (limerence) feelings for your now stage 3 partner (spouse!) try to remember the things you used to do together before you were married.
7. It is possible to be in stage 3 (married love) and have stage 2 feelings for someone else. This is normal. We have a way of coping with it. It's called self control.
8. The v... is made to have things put into it. The a... is made to have things come out of it.
9. If you can keep your thoughts pure, m... is probably okay as an occasional stress release. Not good if it becomes compulsive.
10. A s*ex shop might perhaps have something fun to offer (dice, we're told, can be fun...) but it is mostly silly and probably unhelpful.