However, I'd like to draw attention to something Craig said that I don't quite agree with:
It's so old fashioned I know, but if you want kids almost your #1 priority in your 20s needs to be finding a decent bloke, marrying him, and getting pregnant. You can get serious about your career after that, and still have 30+ years at it.
I'm good with the career bit. My mum is an academic now, but she didn't start uni till I was in high school. There is working life after kids!
But. I suspect that it's self defeating for a single woman to have getting married and getting pregnant as her #1 priority. In my experience, guys don't find that all so attractive. And to be honest, I would find a guy with 'get married' as his first priority a bit desperate.
But I think I get Craig's point: if you want to get married and have kids, don't waste your 20's hanging out with loosers who would make crummy dads.
i agree with both. You can't put everything on hold while you wait for something that may not come, but likewise, you can't just expect marriage to fall into your lap when you've done all the things you wanted to do. I think really you need to sort of juggle both to some extent, because you don't know what the future holds.
ReplyDeleteI have no debate with Craig's central point (though given it is made incessantly in the media, it's hardly groundbreaking), but I think pastorally it is a very foolish thing to post. The situation he is describing is almost unheard of in Christian circles - I can honestly say I don't know any Christian women who have delayed marriage or childbearing for the sake of their careers. Rather, unchosen singleness and/or childlessness are subjects of great pain for many women (including, of course, myself). Therefore it is a topic to be raised with great care, by people who have some good pastoral reason/right to do so. Unless you have a large audience of women who are tempted to idolise their careers or/and those women are your pastoral responsibility, I think it is a very silly thing to enter into such a topic in such a public forum. There are a number of topics I have strong opinions about which I would never broach on a blog for exactly that reason.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I've made this point on Craig's blog as well - I don't mean to be underhand about criticising him on your blog!
ReplyDeleteI agree Jo and I probably shouldn't have brought attention to it. It felt silly and potentially hurtful to me too.
ReplyDeleteWhether or not we marry and whether or not we have children are things we have much less control over than we like to think.
Thanks, SImone. The entire discussion on Craig's blog got so unpleasant, with people on both sides saying dreadful things - I think I rest my case!
ReplyDeleteHello over here. I've just checked these comments. Yes Jo, I do have to concur with you on this one. I hope I didn't contribute anything too dreadful over there, and went back and erased myself because I didn't wish to be associated with it any longer (especially not with the subsequent "older single women" post). Very frustrating for single women. And Simone, I think that is exactly the point. You have to keep in mind God's sovereignty and his control over these things. Why, I could kill myself over things I might perhaps have been able to do differently if I thought my life was all about my choices. Thankfully someone else has a bigger plan.
ReplyDeleteAli. I read a few of your comments and don't think they were dreadful. Not the most edifying discussion, though.
ReplyDeleteI know - that's why I deleted myself from it.
ReplyDeleteJust because something is your #1 priority doesn't mean you put everything else on hold until you achieve that.
ReplyDeleteWhat else do you think should be a #1 priority? (Aside from God, of course.)