I need to collapse this lyric into 3 verses. I planned to do a re-write combining verses 2 and 3 (cross and resurrection) but now wonder if anything would be lost if I just removed the 3rd verse (resurrection). Its content is not strictly necessary to my theme and there are problems with some of the words. I hesitate though, because Andrew liked this verse best (in fact, I think it may have been the only verse that he liked at all!)
Any ideas? The only bits I'm committed to are the title line and the first half of the last verse.
Jesus, love so fierce, so strong
Jesus, love so fierce, so strong
Stronger than the world for me,
Mighty, ever holding on
Hold me now, my refuge be.
Firm your arm and tight your hold
Though my hand is weak, unsure
Though my heart is bleak and cold
Yours is ever rich and warm.
Sorrow building, flooding waves
Tears of blood fall to the ground,
'Not my will but yours,' he prays
Takes the cup and grief rains down.
Love defying piercing thorns,
Jesus, what is this you've done?
Bloody nails and splintered cross
Oh what love, so fierce, so strong!
[Darkness, day is as the night,
Can the chords of death subdue?
Will the darkness drown the light?
Will the morning dawn anew?
Shouts of joy, an empty tomb,
Love a flame of hope within,
Hearts are burning with the news,
Christ alive, alive again!]
Jesus, love so fierce, so strong
Stronger than all fear within,
Love, an everlasting song
through our struggles, pain and sin.
Cast all darkened doubts away
They can never triumph long,
For within his arms we'll stay
Jesus, love so fierce, so strong!
SAR 2009
I loike it :)
ReplyDeleteVerse 3 could work as a kind of interlude - diff tune / mood, and could be a bit shorter. You'd have issues with congregational singing if you did that though which would pretty much defeat the point so forget that idea!
I think if you have verse 2 and 3 you need something about the resurrection, otherwise the positive tone of the last verse would be confusing.
More thoughts on verse 3: if you trimmed it down to...
Darkness, day is as the night,
Can the chords of death subdue?
Shouts of joy, an empty tomb,
Christ alive, alive again
.... you'd then have half a verse to play with (not sure if that would help, but it would give you a chance to end with the "love so fierce, so strong" line).
Another thought is that you could cut verses 2 and 3 and add another verse about our experience of Jesus' love in spite of our sin (I think you've expressed that beautifully in the first and last verses). I do really like verse 2 (although the "grief rains down" bit doesn't do it for me!- I think "pours down" would work better) but the theme change between verses 1 and 2 is a bit sudden for me.
Hope that's some kind of help. It think it's really great :)
The song started with verses 2 and 3 - my cross/resurrection formula. I've always wanted to write a garden of gethsemane cross verse, but I've never done it successfully. (My first drafts of Never Alone had a G of G verse, but I cut it pretty early). I think this one might end up on the scrap heap too.
ReplyDeletePP has written a lovely tune, but its probably not up to 4 verses.
I may go for you final suggestion and cut v2 for something a little more experiential. Need to keep the cross in view though, since that's when we see Jesus' love at its fiercest.
Thanks Lucy. You've motivated me to keep trying with this one.
You've definitely got to make it work - stick at it!
ReplyDeleteI want to hear it when it's finished too :)