My heart delights that Christ my Lord
would leave his heavenly throne
And come to earth, our God a man
to claim us for his own.
The king of all took off his crown
He took on human form
He clothed himself in humble flesh
And as a child was born.
My heart delights and wonders at
this love that gives himself
He sought no honour, no acclaim
no riches and no wealth.
His only thought was to obey
the path set out for him
To walk the road to Calvary
and take away our sin.
My heart delights that Christ would seek
a sinful soul as mine
My heart was all unrighteousness
But his was love divine!
Oh spirit move and change me so
that I should be like Christ
Oh make his will all I desire
And him my heart's delight.
sar 2012
I've changed a bit at the end of V3. Took out the heart beating line. Was it too sentimental? Also would the last line be better if it said 'he' instead of 'him'? 'Him' is more correct, but yuckier I think.
You're right - 'he' is stilted.
ReplyDelete'My Lord my heart's delight' gets around it, if you're wanting to satisfy Fowler's...
I reckon you leave the heart in. It's your theme word. 5 hearts instead of 6 doesn't really affect the perceived degree of girliness, I would think.
Plus, the whole point of the song is about us aligning our hearts with him. Having a heartbeat in sync seems a good way of bringing that home.
I think 'he' would be easier to phrase when singing.
ReplyDelete'him' runs on into 'my' for us lazy articulators.
Okay...so it seems that blogger didn't actually publish the comment after all.
ReplyDeleteAnyway.
What I said in the disappearing comment, was that I was coming in to suggest "My Lord, my heart's delight" as well. "He" and "him" both sound a bit clumsy.
I went back and read your earlier drafts on the beating heart thing. I think it's better without but then I'm a pretty unsentimental type (I didn't finish your systemising/empathising stuff earlier in the week, but I suspect I'm in the systemising camp as well). It just sounded a bit romantic/Mills and Boon novel-ish to me. I think what you've replaced it with is pretty good, although I do get the argument about heart being your theme word too.
Maybe you'll get it finished this weekend while you have the house to yourself. Enjoy that :)
Returning to ask if I can please apologise now in case my comment about it sounding Mills and Boon novel-ish comes back to bite me in any future comments? No offence was intended....just my opinion, that's all.
ReplyDeleteIt was my feeling too. That's why I changed it. So no offence taken at all!
DeleteI have to finish it this weekend. Tonight in fact! CD deadline was 3 days ago.
Oh good. I didn't think it would offend you, but I have a vague memory of having ridiculed Mills & Boon fiction on a blog somewhere (maybe yours....) a while ago, and there were a few people who responded that didn't sound happy about it.
DeleteJust didn't want to repeat the same mistake a second time :)
I think it's looking pretty good. Enjoy your talk-writing this weekend.