How To Care For Extroverts.
1. Respect our need for conversation. Honestly, if we are standing together at a party or something for half an hour, I am going to say something to you. It is awkward and unnatural for me if there is no communication between us. I feel stupid if everyone else in the room is in a conversation and I'm not. And I'll be bored. So I'll introduce some light, social chit chat. Or I might as you about yourself. Don't get all introvert-righteous. 'Her conversation was so shallow blah blah blah' or 'She wanted to know all this stuff about me.' I will make conversation because I need to. Respect that.
2. Realise that conversation is a two-way street. If we are in a situation where we are required to talk, you need to play your part. As an extrovert, I'll usually initiate the conversation (but it's nice if I don't always have to - see point 3) but it is your job to keep it going. Generally, one or two word answers are unhelpful.
Me: What have you been up to today?
Introvert : Nothing much.
Me: Anything on for tomorrow?
Introvert: Not really.
AAARRRGGHHH! Blood from stone! GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH!!!!
3. Sometimes be the one to initiate conversation. It takes a lot of energy (even for extroverts) to always be taking charge of social situations. Why not start a conversation yourself? Just for a change! It may make your friend's day!
4. Don't call us shallow because we can do light-touch conversation. We do it because it is often needed. If you want the conversation to go deeper, then take it deeper. Offer more.
5. Don't assume that social embarrassment is easier for your extroverted friend to deal with than it is for you to deal with. It isn't. He is dying underneath the happy face. Show some kindness.
6. Remember that it is possible (and common) to be the life of the party and feel utterly alone. Don't make assumptions. Don't think you are the only exhausted, miserable, lonely person in the room.
7. If your extroverted friend is feeling depressed or a bit down, company and a new environment may help. Suggest you go out somewhere together.
8. Don't hide behind your introversion. Let people get to know you and buck up and do what needs to be done.
9. Don't quote research at us that says that introverts are cleverer than extroverts. Even if it were true, it would only be true on averages and therefore says nothing about whether or not you are cleverer than me. (The fact that you didn't realise that makes me suspect that you are a less-clever than average introvert.)
10. Enough with the whining! Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop writing these dumb posts about how misunderstood you are. You are who you are. Sit up and make life happen.
warms the heart on my sleeve.
ReplyDeleteThe real stupidity of The List is that most of the items have nothing to do with introversion / extroversion or even other personality 'categories'; some even seem almost to be trying to justify poor behaviour - who wants to be embarrassed in public after all, sometimes you have to interrupt people for their own good.
ReplyDeletetotally agree. The words "get over yourself" sprang to mind when I first read that list (and I'm an introvert).
ReplyDeleteI've been looking forward to this post since I saw the graphic on Ben's blog earlier today.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't disappoint.
Agreed Laetitia!
ReplyDeleteSimone, I'm laughing out loud! Love it.
I especially resonate with 2 and 3. There are some introverts in my community that I struggle to connect with. It seems to easy to say the wrong thing to them and they don't give me anything to work with.
Ironically I've had the opposite problem with one introvert on the deep/shallow side of things. She won't go deep with me, won't reveal much at all to me, even though I've known her all my life. She's shocked when I want to go deeper, but also scandalised that I have so many friends. Arggghhh. What does one do with that? It is a lose-lose situation!
Heh. I think 4 and 8 are important ones.
ReplyDeleteI will talk about anything to keep a conversation going. Anything. I'll keep asking questions until I get a polysyllabic answer. And then having paydirt, I'll keep mining.
DeleteI did have to laugh at your dismissal of research as it is based on averages, and one never knows where an individual might be on the bell curve. Wouldn't that rationale ban anybody from ever quoting research ever again?
ReplyDeleteTruth is, it is a stupid list. Whether or not you require notice of change or warning to finish what you are doing has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you are introvert/extravert as I understand it.
Anyway, seems we have come full circle, back to the extraverts being annoyed with the introverts ... ;)
"Wouldn't that rationale ban anybody from ever quoting research ever again?"
DeleteNo. Of course not. Research shows that men on average are stronger than women. But I bet I could chest-press a 20kg bar for longer than most men. There may be (slightly) more genius introverts than genius extroverts, but if I'm in a conversation with a particular introvert it doesn't mean that they are cleverer than me.
Yep. It's a stupid list.
Yes, but in that case it is still true that men are, on average, stronger than women. So, are people stupid, or less clever, for saying men are stronger than women? Unless someone actually said to you, in conversation, "I am in introvert, therefore that makes me cleverer than you, the specific extrovert", how have they been stupid? (Assuming the research was valid, in this case.) I thought it was just generalities anyone was quoting in the first place? Certain extroverts I know have been heard to say that extroverts have more fun, but on the above argument that says nothing about whether their life is funner than mine either. So what's the point of saying any of it?
Delete"Wouldn't that rationale ban anybody from ever quoting research ever again?"
DeleteOh, happy day!
"Don't think you are the only exhausted, miserable, lonely person in the room."
ReplyDeleteLaughing.
Still laughing.
Don't even care if I shouldn't be.
I'm still reacting against that dreadful book 'introverts in the church' that I read three years ago. The author does paint the life of the introvert as one that is exhausting, miserable and lonely.
DeleteIt can be exhausting, miserable and lonely try to get someone to talk to you. I know that I have met a couple of introverts that after the first conversation I had nearly written off getting to know them enough to be friends. Thankfully I persisted and they eventually opened up more or I would never have gotten to know those lovely ladies. But interacting with introverts can be draining.
DeleteI'm hurt by this whole thread. I'm going to my room to listen to music... hmm, what do I feel like, The Cure or The Smiths..
DeleteRe 9. I'm an introvert, and perfectly happy to acknowledge that you are much cleverer than me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read that list on Ben's blog I thought it sounded pretty dumb actually. It's what Laetitia said really. Just excuses for poor behaviour.
I read the original introverts list and rather related to it... *looks sheepishly around*
ReplyDeleteBut are you relating to it because you are an introvert? Or because it's just something most people would appreciate?
Delete(No one-syllable answers please, I'm an extrovert ;))
Bah.
DeleteAttention, everyone- It'll be time to pack up your toys in 15 minutes. 15 minutes, everyone.
Ha ha ha (maniacal laugh), what you don't realise is that introverts are secretly plotting to take over the world. When you think we are just being quiet and shy we are actually hatching our silent schemes and we don't talk to you because we are concentrating fiercely. If you extroverts could stop talking for long enough you would hear our brains whirring.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a good reason for us to keep talking and keep you pre-occupied!
DeleteHooray! Justification!
Except that we're very adept at just tuning out your chatter as inconsequential. Bwahahahaha. :-)
Delete10 out of 10 Simone!
ReplyDelete