disengagement

I've not had much to say lately. I've noticed a cycle I have...

1. obsess over an idea for a poem or lyric,
2. start writing it,
3. torture myself with reasons why I can't or shouldn't write it,
4. write it anyway,
5. feel flat and exhausted.

I'm just coming out of the flat and exhausted stage after my last effort (hence no posts of any significance lately).

But already the cycle is starting again. Found myself awake in the wee small hours last night, thinking about disengagement. The games of hide and seek we play with eachother. The passive power play of withdrawal... Have written a couple of lines (stage 2) and am feeling this is a poem that shouldn't be written (stage 3). Maybe it's the voice I'm using: that of the triumphant withdrawer... Not so edifying. Probably need to do more thinking. Interesting how disengagement is not God's way of dealing with hurt and anger. Quite the opposite, actually.