Based on my extensive reading of escapist female literate (many Jane Austen and a couple of Mills and Boon) I thought I'd compile a description of Mr Perfect.
Mr. Perfect is:
1. Competent. At work he goes from strength to strength. Mr. Perfect's competency at work often causes him to be wealthy, but his wealth is secondary. We women (apparently) lust after guys who are seriously good at what they do. Whatever that might be. M&B heroes are also extremely competent in other arenas of life.
2. Confident. In his dealings with people and particularly with women, Mr. Perfect is no pushover. He is clearly in control. He is the initiator, the first to express his feelings. He can tell her off if he needs to. He won't be manipulated by her. In M&B this finds expression in an often aggressive sexuality* - which she seems to like! Hmmm.
3. Consumed with passion. His feelings for her are out of his control. He loves her beyond reason. He can't sleep or work properly, so taken is he with her...
4. Fixable. Mr. Perfect has one flaw. He's shy, brash, proud, or unsociable. But this isn't a permanent thing. One kiss from Miss. Right will fix all!
Girls have I captured him? Guys do you live up to this list?
Clearly, a problem with this kind of hero is that he doesn't exist. Andrew (my husband) says it's hard for single women to understand just how incompetent and insecure men really are. Married women know the struggles of their own husbands - Andrew assures me that feelings of incompetence and insecurity are problems for men generally. So that's the first two down. With number three, long term no-one is going to be so madly, passionately in love that they can't function. Hopefully, anyway. With number four, most character flaws are with us long term. By God's grace they can be softened, but we women can't fix our men.
Girls, Mr. Competent, Confident, Passionate and Fixable does not exist! So why do we want him to? (More coming sometime. Throw me a comment in the meantime!)
* Agressive, yet gentle at the same time. Work that one out!
We have the books by Shauti Feldhahn (& her husband Jeff) "for women only" (the first book) and "for men only" (the follow-up book written with Jeff).
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the first one, I kept thinking "I'm a guy" - well at least for the first 3 or 4 chapters to do with work and competence. Perhaps this is why I ended up in a male dominated industry.
The second one has a bit about the difference between men's brains and women's brains (so true!) so it was even more hilarious watching comedian Mark Gungor's "Tale of Two Brains" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxtUH_bHBxs.
That is a pretty good analysis Simone. I think guys should aim at "competent and confident". But it's a telling moment when you let a woman see that vulnerable part of yourself - some run a mile.
ReplyDeletePassionate - well, guys often feel like that at the start of a relationship. But I don't think those initial feelings can last all that long, certainly not for years on end. They have to be replaced by something a bit less exciting (maybe) but a bit more solid.
"Fixable flaw". haha - that can cause some problems!
Hah! I came here to mention the Feldhahn book and discovered I've been beaten to it ... with the same fear of 'I think like a guy'.... maybe it is more that we all feel insecure and incompetent most of the time and we all just have different ways of covering that up. Unfortunately, when people believe our cover-ups we can risk getting more hurt than if we were just honest in the first place...
ReplyDeleteLaetitia and Michelle: I've looked through the Feldhahn books. But have to admit that the covers alone made me think poorly of them! I also felt very masculine reading the girl one. I think that may be a problem with the books...
ReplyDeleteCraig- I think that guys should aim for competence and confidence (what's the alternative?) but no guy can live up to the cardboard cut out M&B hero. The most competent and outwardly confident guys I know display their weaknesses pretty quickly if you press the right buttons... And any wife is certainly going to know how to do that. If we fill our heads with M&B nonsense we will despise our husbands for their weaknesses.
I have to say I liked the confident one most, and call me perverse but I particularly liked the "he will tell her off if he needs to" part. For some reason, I find that very attractive, eg Mr Knightly saying "badly done Emma" after she mishaved terribly at the picnic. It seems to show that the guy is prepared to do the hard stuff, even if it potentially means you will like him the less for it - but women rarely do (like me less for it) is the thing. I think what actually makes that aspect so attractive is that it fosters respect, and women actually LIKE feeling respect for men (even if it's given begrudgingly!).
ReplyDeleteI know, Ali, but remember, Mr. Knightly doesn't exist. Confidence like that is the stuff of novels.
ReplyDelete[But he's my favourite hero too.]