tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post6413116589529099134..comments2023-07-18T19:52:35.156+10:00Comments on another something: My Heart Delights In Christ (draft)Simone R.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05248239853519762027noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-8165130004222163442010-07-08T13:30:25.078+10:002010-07-08T13:30:25.078+10:00Yes, sullen heart really struck me nicely. I like ...Yes, sullen heart really struck me nicely. I like the gist of the song a lot too. The weak area, I think, is all the commas in verse 2. It's very lovely though!Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18032738983280990503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-80655199805758250212010-07-08T09:29:11.418+10:002010-07-08T09:29:11.418+10:00OK then, take affirmation from previous post, I do...OK then, take affirmation from previous post, I do really like it. Many songs we sing in church are less elegant than this one. I'm always terrified to release a new song because I'm afraid people will tell me they hate it.<br /><br />You already picked up the unfinished sentence in "he has sought and reconciled". "This sullen heart to find" - you've inverted the sentence to make the rhyme, so it sounds stilted - "to find this sullen heart". But of course then you need to change line 2. "My lips rejoice to sing"? Not sure, maybe "rejoice" and "sing" are too close in meaning? That's all, the rest flows nicely and is beautifully constructed.<br /><br />So much of poetry/songwriting is personal taste, so of course this is just my own highly fallible opinion.<br /><br />Good luck with the foreign technology and take care of yourselves down there!Jonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11272544252649766985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-11406463996743342782010-07-08T00:35:01.665+10:002010-07-08T00:35:01.665+10:00I post drafts because I'm an extrovert and som...I post drafts because I'm an extrovert and something isn't really done till it's shared with others. 95% of what I write goes no further than publication here - so I feel like it gives a purpose to hours of work. I like both comments and affirmation! (I take comments seriously - I rarely use words others suggest but try to fix up weaknesses that people identify. Changes have been made to songs that have gone on to be recorded based on blog comments.)Simone R.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05248239853519762027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-6954721412644611132010-07-06T17:05:52.811+10:002010-07-06T17:05:52.811+10:00Hope you don't end up getting this twice. Thi...Hope you don't end up getting this twice. This is a good song, I especially like the "sullen heart". Do you post drafts because you want comments, or only for affirmation purposes?Jonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11272544252649766985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-56125691166347240502010-07-06T12:15:44.470+10:002010-07-06T12:15:44.470+10:00This is nice - I love the "sullen heart"...This is nice - I love the "sullen heart". Publishing a draft implies a request for corrections? Hope you don't mind... "For he has sought and reconciled" needs a subject - what has he sought and reconciled? - and "this sullen heart to find" is inverted - "to find this sullen heart" would be better but need to adjust the rhyme.Jonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11272544252649766985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-25452144712749537592010-07-05T21:14:14.441+10:002010-07-05T21:14:14.441+10:00...keep the good stuff coming... rich......keep the good stuff coming... rich...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-70523495465120568702010-07-05T17:48:23.386+10:002010-07-05T17:48:23.386+10:00Pretty impressive first draft! I think this one sh...Pretty impressive first draft! I think this one should make it...Petrinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00686790072004644067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-15310192565425071822010-07-05T10:26:51.826+10:002010-07-05T10:26:51.826+10:00I think the spelling is "sought" - at le...I think the spelling is "sought" - at least you didn't have "sort". :-) That and people using "draw" instead of "drawer" get up my nose. I expect that the error comes from pronunciation, like the mistaken use of "of" instead of "'ve" as in "could of" instead of "could've".<br /><br />All that being said, fabulous work for a 'draft'; I had slight difficulty with lines 3 & 4 of the 2nd stanza but I think that was because my eye skipped a word so I had to re-read it.Laetitia :-)https://www.blogger.com/profile/08239718954326223338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-69304754712258430082010-07-05T09:46:26.230+10:002010-07-05T09:46:26.230+10:00Yeah, it's a first draft. 'Saught' mea...Yeah, it's a first draft. 'Saught' means looked for. But it doesn't flow into the next line. Originally, the end of verse 1 was quite different (better) but I rejigged it to get around a theological issue (which no one probably would have noticed except me).<br /><br />Anthony - it is lovely to be able to stay up till midnight working up an idea without anything else more pressing! [The meter is 8686 - about as common as you get.)Simone R.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05248239853519762027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-11579680284460836102010-07-05T09:41:05.334+10:002010-07-05T09:41:05.334+10:00saught? I like it, but what does that mean?saught? I like it, but what does that mean?Georginahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08114078443886123244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-57695177521926321792010-07-05T09:05:06.185+10:002010-07-05T09:05:06.185+10:00I like it. And not hard to reuse a tune from the I...I like it. And not hard to reuse a tune from the Irish stable if you want. 'My Hope', for instance, could work, as long as you like repeating every fourth line. And there was something else I sang last night that scans too, but I've forgotten now...<br /><br />Good to see you're relaxing on the holiday, anyway :)Anthony Douglashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16277745466192451883noreply@blogger.com