tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post5893307818503591597..comments2023-07-18T19:52:35.156+10:00Comments on another something: New song. What do you think?Simone R.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05248239853519762027noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-80551708452045480722012-03-08T18:46:46.843+10:002012-03-08T18:46:46.843+10:00Thanks!
Well.. you never know. I recently pulled ...Thanks!<br /><br />Well.. you never know. I recently pulled out a hymn retune I did almost a decade ago, added a new chorus, and it might very end up on a CD soon. In any case.. you can always borrow from yourself later.Findohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10281123888415780336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-66635546583154814402012-03-08T08:12:30.235+10:002012-03-08T08:12:30.235+10:00I commented - before I saw this!
And I certainly ...I commented - before I saw this!<br /><br />And I certainly don't mind you borrowing the theme.<br /><br />This song may be dead in the water- after all the hours I put into the lyric! Alas, hard work doesn't nec. translate into anything. It is onto its 4th tune... We'll see. Having more success with a happy little song we've spent one tenth of the time on.simone rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16626356778188873309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-79802878633288008132012-03-08T07:04:03.589+10:002012-03-08T07:04:03.589+10:00I guess it's only fair, seeing as I stole your...I guess it's only fair, seeing as I stole your 'brief' of incarnation, to let you critique my attempt: http://www.thingsfindothinks.com/2012/03/new-song-draft-he-is-exalted/<br />Seriously though, I'd love some of your thoughts! (and I really hope you don't mind me borrowing the theme!)Findohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10281123888415780336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-75120551321827316552012-02-24T17:59:13.499+10:002012-02-24T17:59:13.499+10:00It's an irregular meter, swapping between iamb...It's an irregular meter, swapping between iambic and trochaic feet. The point of it is that it's unexpected. You can't easily imagine it till it's tuned up - then it will make sense.simone rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16626356778188873309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-15571905401120058022012-02-24T17:37:48.398+10:002012-02-24T17:37:48.398+10:00Thanks for posting this - it's a good thought-...Thanks for posting this - it's a good thought-provoking song. I agree with what the others have said about line lengths. You could probably fudge them tune-wise but I'm sure you'll fix them up as you work on it more. I love the imagery of it and some of the phrases are quite beautiful.<br /><br />From a content/incarnation point of view I struggle with it a little because the Jesus it protrays is still very "heavenly" if you'll forgive that clumsy way of putting it. Heaven and earth seem to be brought together by earth being raised more than heaven coming down. Earth can hardly contain him, hills and rocks come alive, he's a shining eternal light and so on. While the element of veiling this glory is there to some extent in the last verse it's very muted where to my mind the incarnation is much more earthy than that - it was possible for Jesus' contemporaries to see him as just another human.Jonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11272544252649766985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-19607477370458298932012-02-24T09:22:41.371+10:002012-02-24T09:22:41.371+10:00I'm having trouble getting the rhythm - maybe ...I'm having trouble getting the rhythm - maybe it'll become clear with the tune. Do you have a particular meter in mind?Laetitia :-)https://www.blogger.com/profile/08239718954326223338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-55974036722786482632012-02-23T21:11:09.895+10:002012-02-23T21:11:09.895+10:00Btw, having recently recorded a couple of my older...Btw, having recently recorded a couple of my older songs for an upcoming collaboration disc, I've been inspired to get back into some writing - stealing your brief for a thematic launch pad, hope that's ok ;)AndrewFindenhttp://thingsfindothinks.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-29674051149140552492012-02-22T00:38:38.188+10:002012-02-22T00:38:38.188+10:00Seems I'm too late to do much more than observ...Seems I'm too late to do much more than observe the cheeky "I'll rhyme the odd lines rather than the even ones if I want to, so there" aspect. Except at lines 1 and 3 in the third verse, so I wonder if that's a rewrite/oversight?Anthony Douglashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16277745466192451883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-26159564032415723712012-02-22T00:21:24.289+10:002012-02-22T00:21:24.289+10:00Just want to say thanks for sharing not only the s...Just want to say thanks for sharing not only the song, but for allowing us to see how to approach its fine-tuning.AndrewFindenhttp://thingsfindothinks.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-21711077594165194902012-02-22T00:12:55.271+10:002012-02-22T00:12:55.271+10:00Hmmnnn, in that case I'd suggest the following...Hmmnnn, in that case I'd suggest the following ways of organising the lines for the stanzas before the last one:<br /><br />Stanza 1:<br />Hope of the ages, light of the world<br />Born a baby, a beacon in darkness<br />Into the silence, God speaks his word<br /><br />Stanza 2:<br />How can a stable house this new king?<br />Could the whole of creation contain him?<br />Hills bow in worship, rocks rise and sing!<br />Let the earth burst forth with his praises!<br /><br />And the angels alight singing Glory!<br /><br />Stanza 3:<br />All history hinges here<br />This the day that the prophets longed to see<br />Earth raised and heaven near<br />Christ is born! God is with us! Immanuel!<br /><br />The great author of life<br />writes himself in the pages of history,<br />To free us from our strife<br />Christ is born! God is with us! Immanuel!<br /><br />It would give you a "incarnation-as-creation" theme a la John 1 stanza 1, response of creation to incarnation stanza 2, and incarnation as the fulfilment of history stanza 3.Mark Baddeleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-70159789478778352862012-02-21T23:01:00.446+10:002012-02-21T23:01:00.446+10:00shhhh Mark!
Don't let everyone see the flaws...shhhh Mark! <br /><br />Don't let everyone see the flaws!<br /><br />Was it really that obvious that I wrote all the second halves first then tried to cobble together some lines to pre-empt them? Did you notice that nothing is lost if you put V1A with V2B and V2A with V1B?<br /><br />Yes. That shows that I'm not developing any themes/images well.<br /><br />Verse 3 needs to be a doing verse. So I need to find some verbs to replace those in lines 1 and 3. I'll look. <br /><br />Thanks. Philip is trying to write a tune right now. I'll do a re-write once he sends me something.simone rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16626356778188873309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-33544878392617351002012-02-21T22:38:47.934+10:002012-02-21T22:38:47.934+10:00I like the song, and also think that we should sin...I like the song, and also think that we should sing of the incarnation outside the church calendar.<br /><br />I'm no songwriter, so these comments will need to be evaluated.<br /><br />These two lines felt below par compared to the lines around them:<br /><i>Let the earth burst forth with his praises!</i><br /><br /><i>To free us from our strife</i> ("us" and "our" seems redundant)<br /><br />It felt to me as though the second half of the second stanza is adding a second theme to the stanza:<br /><br /><i>The great author of life<br />writes himself in the pages of history,<br />To free us from our strife</i><br /><br />and that felt like a change of gears to me - I'd rather one theme/motiff/set of metaphors per stanza. It didn't feel that way with the first stanza because history hinging seems an exposition of the previous lines. <br /><br />If instead the idea is to have two themes per stanza - revelation and history stanza 1, creation and history stanza 2, then I'd be looking for a similar pattern in stanza 3.<br /><br />Otherwise I'd be using the following extract to generate another stanza, and continue the creation theme further for the rest of stanza 2:<br /><br /><i>The great author of life<br />writes himself in the pages of history,<br />To free us from our strife</i><br /><br />I also wondered that, as stanza three seems to be more expressing a personal ownership and response to the incarnation and its effects, whether it might not work better to draw on the imagery already existing in the previous stanzas than to draw in a lot of new, unrelated concepts. These lines:<br /><br /><i>Rest for the weary, sight for the blind<br />And new life giv’n to all who’ll believe him<br />Drink from this fountain, feast on his word</i><br /><br />don't seem to draw on anything previous, and you've got images of God speaking, angels singing, history being fulfilled, of the uncontainable entering creation, God being with us, of creation praising God that all could be picked up and a response sketched out in that last stanza.Mark Baddeleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-464659125733699812012-02-21T21:49:56.239+10:002012-02-21T21:49:56.239+10:00I really like it. I think it's a great shame w...I really like it. I think it's a great shame we only talk/sing about Jesus birth at Christmas. <br /><br />I agree with what Deb is saying.Alistair Bainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15099359104986717330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-39685672463503926742012-02-21T21:46:35.704+10:002012-02-21T21:46:35.704+10:00The Incarnation is to you what the eschaton is to ...The Incarnation is to you what the eschaton is to Mark Peterson.<br /><br />I think it's a shame you tacked the extra words on so pages didn't rhyme with praises... but the second verse is my favourite.Nathanhttp://st-eutychus.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-5473470876302934602012-02-21T19:48:40.616+10:002012-02-21T19:48:40.616+10:00I don't think it's too Christmassy. I thi...I don't think it's too Christmassy. I think it'd work well any time. "Servant King" starts off with "helpless babe" but it doesn't only get sung at Christmas. I thought "all history hinges here" was fine - especially given the explanation in the next line "the prophets longed to see". It's the moment.. The Moment... that God becomes flesh.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17323321295593693009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-64593025978695624742012-02-21T18:12:14.755+10:002012-02-21T18:12:14.755+10:00No. Fresh this week.
I wrote another Christmassy ...No. Fresh this week.<br /><br />I wrote another Christmassy one back then.simone rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16626356778188873309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-3709202821035110342012-02-21T16:06:04.492+10:002012-02-21T16:06:04.492+10:00Did you start this one about 6 years ago?Did you start this one about 6 years ago?Helenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13643856154823995246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-10307848874854283862012-02-21T15:13:49.550+10:002012-02-21T15:13:49.550+10:00I have reservations too.I have reservations too.simone rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16626356778188873309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-65981453923404258682012-02-21T15:07:26.349+10:002012-02-21T15:07:26.349+10:00Clearly I've been conditioned over many years ...Clearly I've been conditioned over many years to only singing the words "baby", "stable" and the phrase "Christ is born" during the Christmas season.<br />Forgot to say earlier that I do think it's not such a bad thing to sing a song about Christ's birth at other times of the year. Just not sure that everyone would go for it though...Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16213944904796774622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-16560240978283916182012-02-21T12:47:20.522+10:002012-02-21T12:47:20.522+10:00Every single week, at every single christian gathe...Every single week, at every single christian gathering that puts in a ccli return!<br /><br />The brief was to write songs on the incarnation that could be sung whenever. This may not be one.simone rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16626356778188873309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-63319776139353175962012-02-21T12:05:46.736+10:002012-02-21T12:05:46.736+10:00Wow - you read carefully!
No. I don't see inc...Wow - you read carefully!<br /><br />No. I don't see incarnation as the atonement. With 'All history hinges here' I'm thinking of the whole package of God on earth - That 33 years. I'm also thinking the calendar BC/AD thing. Do you think that line would win me a heterodox label?<br /><br />I don't have an issue rhyming believe him and receive him.<br /><br />L6 of verses 2 and 3 have 11 syllables. V1 only has 10. I can stick an extra syllable in v1 if I need to. Thought I'd wait to see which way the tune goes. What usually happens is that I have to rework several lines of each verse anyway.<br /><br />Yes, I'll be interested to hear the tune for L5 as well. V2 emphasis is slightly different, but the right tune could make it not an issue. (Or I'll re-write.)<br /><br />Thanks. I'm really hoping this one gets a good tune. May be too wordy.simone rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16626356778188873309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-24318765142736224752012-02-21T12:05:42.073+10:002012-02-21T12:05:42.073+10:00Is the aim for it to be sung at Christmas time or ...Is the aim for it to be sung at Christmas time or at any time of the year?<br /><br />And what Gary said too...not sure about the line "all history hinges here." I think resurrection day is that day...Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16213944904796774622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-39070741285441376922012-02-21T10:31:16.510+10:002012-02-21T10:31:16.510+10:00Hey Simone,
I like the style of it.
Is it your i...Hey Simone, <br />I like the style of it.<br /><br />Is it your intention to focus on the incarnation as God's act of atonement? 'All history hinges here This is the day...'<br />(I wouldn't think, so btw)<br /><br />Rhyming 'believe him' and 'receive him' in the last verse?<br /><br />Does the third last line in the last verse have one more syllable than its counterparts? Is the word 'here' necessary?<br /><br />It'd be interesting to see how a melody treats the fifth line of each verse and where the stresses fall.<br /><br />Thanks for postingGary Warehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12007830811200430012noreply@blogger.com