tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post4011678404714014988..comments2023-07-18T19:52:35.156+10:00Comments on another something: Oh Lord you spokeSimone R.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05248239853519762027noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-37110750172495512772014-02-12T14:29:19.331+10:002014-02-12T14:29:19.331+10:00It's good - I don't mind five verses espec...It's good - I don't mind five verses especially when there's no chorus. If I had to lose one - well I'm tossing up. In the end, I think I'd lose verse 1 because it makes it a bit of a "song about everything" and dilutes the message of the other verses. The two that I think are NOT candidates are three and four, because that's the point at which the power of the word becomes real for me as a person - the hope of healing, the challenge to my sin. I really like verse 4 - "your word a blade within us". It could even be "into us", it really captures the pain of that revelation. I think you could lose "today" in the hook line and it would be more powerful and direct. The exclamation "oh" always strikes me as a wasted syllable, like a place marker because the writer needs a downbeat before "Lord" (I've been guilty many times). If you had to say a word there, what would it be? Perhaps a different one each line. You change from past to present tense at verse 4 but verse 1 is really the only one that requires past. I'm being picky - none of these things are serious, it'll be a lovely song when it's finished.Jonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11272544252649766985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-75204697499185040502014-02-11T03:52:56.243+10:002014-02-11T03:52:56.243+10:00I really like this (especially the line about crea...I really like this (especially the line about creation being born) but I admit, the 'oh' in the title does bring the Getty's song immediately to mind.. Findohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10281123888415780336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-10000966036621682922014-02-09T07:02:06.428+10:002014-02-09T07:02:06.428+10:00Depends on if the tune is any good!
You could sti...Depends on if the tune is any good!<br /><br />You could stick a bit more salvation in there. 2 Corinthians 4:6 is a great verse for considering the link between creation and redemption.<br /><br />Great work, Simone, enjoying reading all your new words.<br />Gordon Chenghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07588151868151940982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-44360549249460234872014-02-08T19:38:23.574+10:002014-02-08T19:38:23.574+10:00Oh I watched that episode last night! Painful!Oh I watched that episode last night! Painful!simone rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16626356778188873309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-911707550436621468.post-52575031419892406672014-02-08T19:28:55.002+10:002014-02-08T19:28:55.002+10:00Live dangerously. Those lines aren't too long,...Live dangerously. Those lines aren't too long, you can afford the luxury of 5. <br /><br />Interesting shift in the final line from me to us. Got me thinking there, you have.<br /><br />(sorry about that phrasing - too much of Bert speaking in the episode of Doc Martin we just watched. Their honeymoon was genuinely worse than ours!)Anthony Douglashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16277745466192451883noreply@blogger.com